LaSt NiGhT..

I’m just so happy that I woke up today with no more pain. I had been relieved from depression I had last night. Depression cause by not loving me back the way I had loved him.

But on the brighter side, we both know we like each other. It’s just that we are both not ready to enter a serious relationship after a same bad fate in love. Personally, I agree not to rush things and not expect so much to prevent myself on hurting AGAIN and AGAIN…

I told myself not to hurry. I have a lifetime to find him but I’m not really searching. They have to search for me...hAhAhA…

Well, till the next update on my life…bye for now, have to work…

aT pReSeNt..

Christmas won’t be the same like before. It will be colder the unusual way I celebrate it for the past four years…

I am trying my best to feel better for the worst feeling I ever felt. Thanks to my family and friends to whom I always gain my strength whenever I feel weak, gain my knowledge whenever I feel the dumbest. My mom would always say to stay calm even in storm like how Jesus handles the situation when they were on sea. But I am not God, I’m only human who feels extraordinary sad and lonely. The last thing I remember is that I’m happy with him. Everything seems perfect. I have a good family, belongs to a reputable company, and a blissful love life. In a blink of an eye, he’s gone and would never come back.

In time I know I can handle things lightly. But for now, I just let myself absorb the whole lot thing and then for a while drain my mind and go on with life. This is not the end. This is only the beginning.

I wish that he could also move on and continue his normal life in our own separate ways. His life without me, and my life without him…

continuation..

We had a good time together-from the time he was still here. As I linger the moments from behind, I suddenly missed him so much. If only I can turn back time so I won’t have any regrets from the past. The ghost from nowhere continuously haunts me.

I remembered the times when we go out of our own worlds to make our own mutual environment safe from any impairment. We share whatever we have-spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Our relationship had gone far more than friendship. We used to date, and my most favorite activity is to watch him participate on a motorcycle race. Until he had an accident the day before our anniversary came. It was the most painful event I’ve ever experienced. It seems to ruin all our dreams and plans for our future. All are put into WASTE.

He stayed in the hospital for almost two months, fighting against life and death. In a comatose stage, you never expected for the worst but for the better. After struggling for an extended life, he passed away. He let go of his pains and hardships.

I almost fell on my chair crying the whole time I had my mind flash that very incident. How could I continue life after this? Especially now that I’m not the only one who will suffer the consequences. The good thing indeed is that he left me with someone who will take care of me temporarily until the time we’ll have our reunion in heaven-our child Jacob.

Well that’s life. We can not argue with that. We can not let our own will suppress what is meant to happen. The very fact that only God knows what will be our pathways and what our heart’s desires proves that we don’t have control with the future. We only have what it takes to be human- powerless and feeble.

The Good Thing Indeed

It’s a rainy morning when I decided to get up for another day of work. I had a bad night, taking asleep late in the evening just talking with friends I haven’t communicated for a long time. I hurried so I won’t be late, just in case I can’t make it, this will be the first time I will be late for work. I glance at the clock hanging on our pale wall, it’s twenty minutes after eight, and I have 10 minutes left. I have to bring my umbrella but I couldn’t find it. I have no choice but to take the big one. The one with label that I hated most.

Rain was falling harder that I almost fell at the bridge that I traverse everyday of my life. I arrived at exactly eight thirty. I rushed at the biometrics machine, ensuring that the time won’t lapse even for a minute.

There’s no elevator so I have no option but to take the stairs up to the fifth floor where my office is located. I was on the fourth level when someone smiled at me from afar. He looks familiar. I recollected on my hidden thoughts to remember who he was. I even had my brain hollow out but I couldn’t find any reactions to my doubt and query. It seems that I had drained all my memories of the past and all I could possibly think of is the present.

“Is he ever existed?” a weird question that phantom my wild imagination. He’s like an apparition from the dark part of the room. A specter who I suppose to be not one of my friends or companion.

I took my steps large enough for me to get into my right path. When I approached the glass door, I breathe hard as if it would be my last.

Reflecting on the earlier incident made me reassemble the events all over again which I tried not to recall since this gives me adequate reasons not to continue life after that tragedy…

I opened my computer and clicked on the calendar. Yeah, it’s been four years since then. My tears started to fell on my cheeks. It felt cold. The same feeling even after years of a “must” forget episode of my life.

It was a sunny bright day. Everybody is getting ready because we only have two days left to prepare for the big event-The Annual Fiesta. This is the most awaited event of the year in our place. Being an active member of the church, I was given the task to facilitate the basketball league which is an intended activity for the youth. My cousin Ralph, who was the team captain of their group, asked if one of his friends can join their team. As a rule, which I set earlier than the event, outsiders are not allowed since there were instance in the past that teams tried to recruit professionals in the field to join them and hence making them the champion. So, in order to be fair, I took my power in position to make things set in place.

Ralph at first insisted but he knows that when I decide on certain things, I made it clear and indestructible.
I woke up because of a loud commotion outside my room. I nearly forget that today is the first game of basketball that I organized. How could I ever forget that? I jumped out of my bed and recognized the voices that were reasons why I woke up. They were pounded and stabbed. Farewell to three little pigs which will be porkchop this lunch. If I am under an anti-animal abused campaign, I could definitely lead the crusade to stop people from brutally killing animals. I felt that I’ve witnessed a crime in my bare eyes this morning.

I am not a cheer leader but I experienced to be one today. I kept on screaming at the other side of the court. It was until I’ve noticed someone looking at me. I tried to ignore him but I could still see him on my left vision. In other words, he kept staring. I don’t know him so I don’t even bother thinking why.

After the game, there’s a small gathering and eating session. Ralph went towards me. He was with a group of three other men but the guy wearing a white shirt and maong shorts catches my attention. He was the one looking at me while I almost throw up my throat shouting to cheer my favorite team. Ralph introduced me to them. His name was Mike. He’s nice and—cute, in my own personal preference.

We had the chance to talk when the rest of the group became busy at the pictorial held at the hall. This is for filing purposes needed for the scrapbook which is luckily not assigned to me.

We exchanged numbers. Since then, he would always take time to text me and ask me out for lunch. To be continued…